Thursday, August 05, 2010

I know, I should be in bed...

... seeing as how I have to be at Cleveland Clinic at the eye-rubbing hour of 6AM!  I guess I'm the first procedure of the day.  I'm actually glad of that, so that Jim can spend time with me then go home to the girls.  They're at my sister's house tonight; he'll pick them up from day camp tomorrow.  They took the news of my surgery better than I'd anticipated, mostly because I don't have to travel to another city this time.  I told them they could come with Daddy to pick me up on Saturday, assuming that I'll be only staying the one night, and they liked that.

Today I felt anxious about the surgery; I can't put my finger on my specific thoughts but I just didn't feel confident that things will go well.  Late this afternoon I decided that maybe I should take a xanax to help me sleep (since it worked so well last week!)  But now I'm feeling more optimistic about it, and thinking that maybe my positive thoughts will influence what happens tomorrow.  This idea shouldn't be a new one for me; in fact, it's a good outlook to have in general.  However, I think I've been afraid to think positively in case something negative happens, so that I won't feel so crushed.  That happened to me 2 years ago, when I had my first met removed.  I'd been sure it was just an oversized lymph node; when they told me that it was in fact RCC I was stunned.  But now that I'm firmly on Stage 4 Street I can handle this kind of news a little bit better... maybe not much better, but a little bit.

I took the day off from work and it's been a lazy one, other than catching up on laundry.  I took Rebecca to Dick's Sporting Goods for her first pair of soccer cleats and shin guards.  She is signed up for our local rec soccer league this fall, and I had enrolled her in a four-day skills camp to get her up to speed.  Carly will be playing soccer this fall as well, but a group comes to her preschool every week and has a soccer class, so I'm not too concerned about her.  Rebecca was pretty excited about the new shoes, and is looking forward to the season. 

Afterward, we went to the library, so that I could stock up on reading materials for next week.  She wanted to look for books too, now that she has become a real reader.  She just finished her first chapter book, Beezus and Ramona.  Her interest was sparked in the upcoming movie, but she really enjoyed the book and is now started on another Beverly Cleary book.  I am so excited for her - there are so many good books out there!  I told her that I had read Beezus and Ramona too, as well as a lot of other books we looked at today.  We wanted to look something up in the library catalog so I coached her as she learned how to search on their computer system.

Carly chose not to come on our errands with us, so we had some nice one-on-one time. 


Anjeanette said...

Well hugs to you! I can never sleep the night before anything either. I think it is so normal to be nervous. So glad that you are the first procedure in the morning! Whew! So much better than waiting all day.

I'll be thinking about you!

Leigh said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that everything will go just as it should. Remember, the Great Physician is in control! He's gotten you this far, I'm believing He will get you the rest of the way. Just wanted you to know that you have a huge community of kidney cancer warriors praying for you! Love and peace ~ Leigh

minnie said...

May God bless and keep you from harm, may he be by your side, may you feel loved and cherished, may you be carried safely through this valley also. Much love XXX