This breathing stuff helps... it really does. Whenever I start to feel nervous or fearful about what may lie ahead with my health, I try to remember to focus on my breathing. It's keeping me calmer and saner than I might otherwise be. Imagine what some actual meditation might do for me.
Despite the stress of the day on Wednesday, it was also a wonderful day. We have a new nephew, born to Jim's brother and his wife. He's the second boy of eight grandchildren in Jim's family. The first grandchild was a boy and then we've added six girls to the clan over the last seven years. The new parents didn't find out the baby's gender before he was born, so it was a fun surprise for everyone. Yesterday I stopped at the hospital after work to visit with them. He is so cute and tiny, with a full head of hair. When I held him I realized that I've forgotten just how small a newborn is. For a while after Carly was born, seeing a baby like this would have given me a dose of baby lust for a while. We knew that we were finished with our family after Carly, but as she got older and bigger, I longed to have another baby in the house, someone tiny to hold and to cuddle. It took a while, but finally I stopped feeling so nostalgic around babies, and now I just enjoy them when I'm with them. Seeing photos of the girls at younger ages still makes me wistful at times, but I'm focused more on enjoying them now and on looking forward to more adventures with them as they continue to grow.