Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Eh...

Back to work, as of last week... six weeks away and by the end of the first day I felt like I'd never left.  That can be good as well as bad.  January is a particularly busy time.  Even though I no longer have official responsibility for our benefits computer system, I do still have knowledge and have been helping to figure out the scenarios where what people elected for this year, is not what they ended up getting.  The percentage of these employees is small, but when you are talking about upwards of 40,000 employees, even 1 percent is a lot of people.  My head is pretty "swimmy" by the end of each work day but we're slogging through it and seeing some patterns that should help us to avoid a lot of these errors next year.

Last week by the end of the week I was toast.  My stamina is definitely not at 100%, even though I believe it is good enough to work.  I felt very sleepy on my commute home Friday, though I caught a bit of a second wind once at home.  On Saturday though, forget it... I took Carly to her 9:00 ballet class.  When we got home I puttered around a bit then told Jim and Becky that I was going to lie down, and so "just in case" I didn't get up in time, not to forget Becky's 1:00pm dance class.  I fell back into bed and that was all she wrote for a good 3+ hours.  On Sunday I catnapped, but probably should have taken a real nap.  I will have to ask about how long I need to be on medication before my thyroid is checked again; I wonder if my fatigue is more from the cumulative effects of the IL-2 or if the hypothyroid is contributing.

All in all, I'm awake and aware, and I can concentrate at work, which is easier because there aren't all the distractions of home.  Actually, when I work from home I can tune the distractions out, too; just not so much when I am not trying to do paid work. Lately I have been full of ideas of things I can do to re-organize and simplify different areas of the house, but just don't have the energy to put any of my plans into motion.  I know, all in due time, but it's a weird feeling to want to be active but not be able to get my body to comply.  And I've had lots of ideas I'd like to explore here, as well as experiences to share, but have lacked the energy to write them out.  Last month my good friend Deb died, I wrote a lengthy post about her life and its impact on me, and then watched as my PC imploded and sent it into the black hole.  I just haven't had the heart to do it again, but one of these days, I will.

I did go for a walk today at lunchtime.  Walking is something I have been good about at times, then let go of for long stretches of time.  In theory I should be able to get two days of walking in over the weekends.  Unfortunately, between our busy schedule of weekend events and errands, and my desire to spend time with the girls, it's difficult to fit in.  They aren't old enough to walk with me at a good pace yet; besides, I would benefit from some quiet, head-clearing alone time.  Anyhow... I used to walk semi-regularly when we were at our old building, which was located on acres of wooded trails.  It was a corporate HQ building that was donated to us, and the walking trails were a point of pride there.  Then we moved to our current location, which is in the midst of an office park block in the suburbs.  There is a measured mile around the block, doable, though it doesn't feature the interesting scenery my coworkers had gotten used to.  We also have a skyway between the two buildings we use; it's a nice place to walk when the weather isn't conducive to being outside.  Plus it has the advantage of being a quarter mile round-trip... very convenient for measuring. 

I have a goal, to be able to comfortably walk 5 kilometers (3.1 miles) in time for the Race for the Cure when it returns to Cleveland in the fall.  I have done the 1 mile walk before, but have been thinking about doing the 3 mile walk instead.  First my motivation was to push myself to get more exercise so that it would be an easy thing to do; that motivator is definitely still there.  But then when Deb died of metastatic breast cancer, I wanted to do it for her... she would be proud to know that she continues to inspire me even after her death. 

Today I finally got myself to take a walk at midday.  I've had walking shoes with me every day since I returned to work last week but today I actually put them on and left for a bit.  I only ended up walking for 18  minutes, with a 2-3 min break in the middle, when I ran into a co-worker who didn't know I was back from leave.  I walked a total of a half mile... smokin' fast, eh?  I'd call it pathetic but I really was tired at the end of the time.  But it's a start; hopefully tomorrow I can log another entry on my walking chart.  RFTC is still about 8 months away so I'm not panicking... yet!  I am usually nowhere near that slow, but then my legs never hurt the way they did by the end of the 18 minutes.  It's the same thing with going up stairs.  My department is on the 4th floor of our building.  Last summer I had worked myself up to going up the four flights from the basement garage; 96 steps in all.  It wasn't fun, or easy, but I was doing it.  Now, I can do one flight but the backs of my legs aren't happy; frankly they aren't thrilled by the 13 stairs at home either.  There is improvement, for sure; "not thrilled' is much better than when I felt like I was pulling myself up the final few steps here just by the railing.  So it's progress, and I will take it.  But you know, 90-some9% of the time I don't think about cancer, feel like a cancer patient, etc. in my head.  So having physical limitations is just... startling.

Oh, and to finish my whine (no cheese though; I am trying to get back to NO SNACKING after supper), I'm sick of winter and cold weather already.  Last week we had snow and brutal cold.  This week has been milder and melting but I am still cold.  We so need to move... only we don't want to move away from our family, which we have a lot of here.  Oh family... maybe the rest of you want to migrate south with us???

1 comment:

Sarah said...

You're goal to walk RFTC sounds very doable! Keep it up and I think you'll be amazed at how much you can do. Every little bit helps!