On Friday (9/29) I am scheduled for a CT scan... it's been 10 weeks since my last scan. We're looking for any growth of the nodule on my lung, further enlargement of the enlarged lymph node(s), or god forbid any new growth. So, things could go in a number of directions depending on what the test shows.
I am nervous as hell about this. The anticipation would make me jittery already, but then I went to a patient education meeting at The Gathering Place last week. This is the second one they've had in Cleveland since I joined the Kidney Cancer Association. The speaker at the last meeting was Dr. Rini, who was not yet "my" doctor. This time it was a colleague of his, Dr. Garcia. He had a slide presentation but didn't use it, instead just answering patient questions and talking about current medications, etc. He seemed like a nice, kind man but boy did he give the negative spin on everything. I won't go into details but basically if you have metastatic kidney cancer (meaning the disease has moved to other parts of your body) your treatment options aren't great. He gave us some pretty depressing examples of things that have happened to his patients. As he talked you could see the participants of the meeting getting increasingly antsy and depressed. Toward the end the facilitator of the meeting, sensing the crowd's feelings, stepped in and said, you know, there has been a lot of fairly morbid discussion here. Could we end on a high note? Isn't it true that if the disease is caught early it can be "cured" so that there would be no reoccurrence? Well, either the Dr. was dense or something because his answer was in the vein of "yes but..."
I walked out thinking, if the disease is growing in me, I am screwed. I know this is not a positive attitude but I just felt so frightened and upset. I feel like I need to just keep praying that the things they found in June are just anomalies.
I promise to update the blog next week when I talk to Dr. Rini; please send some prayers and positive vibes my way if you can.