Friday, April 14, 2006

Nightcap thoughts

Tonight, as is her usual custom lately, Carly took a 6oz bottle at about 6:30pm then wanted more by 8. We've been giving her another 4oz and she passes out for the night. Silly girl doesn't like to nap at day care; she only does 2-3 naps of less than 45 min each. So by supper time she is exhausted. I've been trying to feed her solids at supper time but the poor baby is just too tired to deal.

Jim had given her the supper bottle so as she wailed, I quickly warmed a small bottle and took her up to the girls' bedroom, where we have a loveseat. As she sucked down the bottle I started thinking about all the things I wanted and needed to get done. I looked down at her small round face, with the eyelashes that are starting to curl, and realized that I needed to put the brakes on my racing mind and just enjoy the moment. She's so small and sweet and too soon will be a "big girl" running around. She's our last baby and I have been reminding myself to just treasure the little moments with her.

Carly is my blessing, my life saver, and my reminder to live in the moment. Actually both girls fill those roles; I feel that being pregnant with Carly saved my life but having Becky here definitely gave me the will to try to recover quickly from my nephrectomy. I'm working on trying not to put off fun but to make it a part of our lives. I'm good at living for the future, making lofty plans but never following through. However, I've decided that I need to change that. I want to make fun memories for us all. It's likely (and hopeful) that my cancer will not recur, but certainly could happen. If, God forbid, something happened to me, I don't want to leave Jim and the girls with any regrets of things we "should have done" but never made time/found money for them. On the other hand, assuming my health remains good, we'll be able to look back at memories of so many happy times together.

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